Wednesday, October 19, 2011

the only thing for certain is uncertainty

To be blunt, determination is choking me.

It seems everywhere I look its peaking right behind the corner. I want to scream at it, but know the response will come up empty...
Do you not see how badly I want this?
How do the Biggest Loser contestants have so much of you?
But most importantly, even though some people always have you, how do you turn selfishly turn around and take it away?

Everything always boils down to that simple word. Determination. And whether you had enough of it.
And Right now, I’m on the fence.


It’s like an ex-boyfriend you can’t shake, but when it comes down to it, do you honesty think you could?

I’ll bump into it face-to-face on occasion. And we’ll laugh and smile, all doubt will disappear. We’ll get a motivation boost from the excitement that this may work out after all. And like that pesty ex, I’ll apologize and fall into the pattern like nothing bad ever happened before this moment. It even foolishly get my hopes up that something good is going to come of it this time.

But…

Then there are moments when I feel like our relationship is dead. We tried all we could, but at the end of the day, we are like fire and gasoline. It’s causing me doubt, and I’m not helping it succeed: a word that usually is attached at its hip. So there we are, running around in circles crying wolf.


I try moving on alone, but the reality is, whether nothing good comes of you or not, it’s nice to know that at some point you will simply bring me what I’ve been wanting all along. Or so I keep hoping.
So, no! I have not completely lost you; I know you’re right there, sneaking up on my every step. Just hurry up and catch me, before I break up with you once and for all.
xx