Baby steps

Perhaps it's because I'm more anxious on Sunday's or maybe it's due to my often overload of thoughts, but I always feel the need for an 'out' on the 7th day. Blame it on sadness, loss or just my terrible habit of keeping things to myself - I've had enough. I'm tired of waking up and faking a smile, hiding the tears the prick up at the most inconvenient of times or simply responding incorrectly to your morning 'How are you'. I'm not good. I haven't been for quite sometime now and I'm sorry if I was too afraid to say otherwise. Asking for help is not my strong suit. I can handle things on my own and would argue like a true feminist if you begged to differ. I'm also not a 'whoa is me' preacher as I truly believe and know that people have it worse off than I. Having said that, I'm also aware that what I have been through, my family has been through, in the last little while has won. I'm broken. It feels like an eternity since I've been myself. So long so that I don't know how to get her back. Everything that use to work has failed, everything I think will work does not and everything I have not thought of yet won't come. Even my creative mind has abandoned me. My eyes are forever a word away from shedding a tear and my throat is sore from clenching them back. Tylenol is now my drug of choice in hopes it will cure my constant aching head - it does not. I head to bed early in hopes of making the sadness of nighttime disappear but am far too often woken by daunting, daunting nightmares. My days are spent craving the sleep I now lack and before I know it the circle starts again. I could go on for hours, but out of everything that has happened, I still lack the selfishness to dump this on an innocent by-stander. If I could however, it would be in a package that says 'handle with care', it would be broken up into small boxes as to not overwhelm just one single person and it would be most certainly delivered at the weeks end. 

The Cure

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

- Rose Kennedy

A look back at 2012

•    Started working at Snow Goer Canada Magazine (I will celebrate my one year on the 9th!)
•    Megan visits not once, not twice, but three times – this may be a new record.
•    Bought my car – 08’ Chev Aveo
•    Leo died

•    Had our first ever family blow up, it lasted about 2-3 months
•    Grandma Daly was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer
•    Spike got hit and killed by a car the day he was 7 months-old
•    I went to Boston for an International Snowmobile Conference (saw a Red Sox game too!)
•    We got Duke – I was still hurt and thought it was too soon, but he was too cute to resist
•    Got suckered into ATVing and competed in a Mud Bog (didn’t win)
•    Became a Girl Guide leader – Sparks are too cute
•    Got Pinterest and immediately became more creative
•    Had a 1-year anniversary (that’s a first)
•    My sisters Jamaican boyfriend arrived fresh off the plane for his 6 month visit
•    My boyfriend took me away to Blue Mountain and Scandinave Spa for my 22nd birthday
•    Grandma Park turned 90
•    Duke got hit and killed by a car the day he was 7 months-old
•    I give up...


2013, I don't know what more you can do to me so let's just make it a good one, okay?

My new years kiss - 2013

Something about myself

Music – I can’t get enough of anything by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals – they are my new fav.
Movie I can't wait to see – The Life of Pi [I loved the book]
Hairstyle Craze – Big Bun on top of my head, so cuuuute.
Guilty Pleasure – online shopping. I. just. can’t. stop.
Something I want to try – making my own granola and healthy [crunchy] snacks. 
Latest Accomplishment – making a memory book for my Grams 90th birthday out of letters from various people she’s known in her life. I learned a lot and she couldn’t stop smiling.
Style at work – Gah, I wish I could wear heels and not be looked at sill-ily. I need to move to Toronto, or New York… a girl can dream.
Favourite Christmas Song – “Baby, it’s cold outside.”
What I want – A piece of jewellery. Something that I can call my own and wear every day; antique rings are my new obsession.
Problem - I don't know what I want for breakfast. Every morning this happens... its terrible.
Someone I miss - My boyfriend [only a few more days till I get to see him]

...I can't shake - my travel bug. I am feeling very antsy lately, more so then normal. I need to work and travel or go on vacation or something...

Something I miss – People being polite, accepting and happy, whatever happened to the world?

I'm slacking at – focusing. Lately I have been brutal.

Food I'm craving – Hummus, all the time.

Can't get enough of – lip chap. The winter is making my skin so dry.

Upcoming Events – Sheepdogs Concert with Ally!

In love with – the snow. Winter is such a gorgeous time of year <3

Quote “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” - Marilyn Monroe [my constant obsession]

Christmas Decoration

1. Get a unique piece of barn board and cut to the length you want - make sure it has a straight bottom edge [so it sits on the ground without leaning funnily]. Rough, jagged pieces make for a more interesting piece.

2. Use a fire/blow torch to 'burn' the barn board. I don't literally mean throw it in the fire, but you want to roast the piece of wood as you would a marshmellow - this takes away the greyish colour and gives it that antique feel.
3. Once you are happy with your boards colour, take a wire brush and lightly brush the burnt side following the grains of the wood. This helps to even out the 'burnt effect', and rid the ashes that could flake off on their own.

5. Grab your supplies that you want to decorate it with. We used pine (both floppy and stiff) from a tree outside (fake works too!), some twine, and dollar store red berries, ribbon, bells and pine cones. Lay it however you wish; this is where you can get creative. I used the twine to tie it all in place, but a glue gun works fine as well. I found that incorporating some of the dollar store fake garland (with the wire) helped to hold it all in place.

6. Wah-la! You now have something that is very unique, antique-like and can sit proudly in your house, outside the front door (which is where mine is) or hang on the wall.

sunday night realization

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”

―John Lennon 

Me, to date.

Favourite Song - Little Black Submarine- The Black Keys & Flapper Girl - The Lumineers
Movie I can't wait to see - Argo + Frankenweenie
Most worn thing in my closet - Dark Grey Leather Jacket
Guilty Pleasure - Fifty Shades Books [currently on Fifty Shades Freed]
Something I have been meaning to get done/complete - my laundry [rips hair out]
I like arguing about - which ever side I believe in most, or just for the sake of having a heated debate.
Style I am too chicken to try - Red Lips [doesn't fit in with my lifestyle, unfortunately]
Halloween Costume - Sexy Sailor
Birthday Plans - Dunno. I'm hoping my boyfriend will take that over...
Someone I miss - My sister <3 
Something I miss - Summer and it's carefree happiness
Vacation plans - Talking about Mont. Tremblant during Spring Break, but maybe St. Thomas to visit my sister [?]
I'm slacking at - working out.  gah
Food I'm craving - Sushi
Can't get enough of - pumpkin flavoured things; tea, muffins, pie, crumble...mmm
Upcoming Celebrations - My One year with Lucas <3 && turning 22.
Advice? Stop trying to be someone you're not and just be yourself - it never fails.